10 replies to this topic

[writer811]

I briefly mentioned on other threads that I don't believe the silent treatment can be legitimately used for anything other than manipulation or punishment. I would invite you to either agree with me or (Preferrably) prove me wrong with an example that can't be interpreted as manipulation or punishment. Also, please not that just taking time to cool off or getting your own space doesn't count as silent treatment.

[AnonaMoss]

I believe so. I think that silent treatment can be used because that person is just to hurt to face their partner, friend, or family member. Sometimes it's not about manipulation or punishment. I've had times when i've been so hurt that I didn't want to burst into a fit of tears. I needed to gather my composure. Some people use the silent treatment as a way to control anger as well.

[RParadon]

AnonaMoss, on 06 July 2012 - 07:38 PM, said:

"I think that silent treatment can be used because that person is just to hurt to face their partner, friend, or family member"  Isn't purposly hurting someone punishment?

" Some people use the silent treatment as a way to control anger as well."  A short cooling off period is not ST, but if it takes a person days or weeks to control their anger, it seems as if they are in need of counseling.

[novasparker]

I feel like the silent treatment can be used constructively as a cooling off period so long as you go back and discuss/remedy the issue afterward.  I think that it can keep you from saying things that you will regret later.

[streakanime]

I am inclined to disagree with the fact that using it as a cooling down period does not count. I would never use it to punish anyone or to get my way. But, there are times where there is nothing that you can say that will make the situation any better. In these situations you just have to walk away and not talk for a while. I have also found that silent treatment is also something that I use when I hurt and do not know how to explain my pain or get someone to understand that something hurt me.  I'm pregnant right now. I am more moody and emotional now than I have ever been. Sometimes I get upset over something small being said. Something that I feel stupid for getting upset about or something that I do not even really know how to explain that it upset me. Times like that... I get silent just because it makes me feel better. I just need a little silent time not talking time to FEEL better. It is not because I need to punish anyone else or because I want attention. I just need to be left alone to collect my thoughts.

[MyOCDisMild]

What about when you know that nothing that you do or say will remedy a situation? To continue to fuel the fire by trying to talk, or let sleeping dogs lie? If I haven't nothing to say or add to a situation, then I won't say anything at all. Why? To what purpose does it serve other than to continue to irritate an already irritated situation? Sometimes the silent treatment is the only course of action to take that won't cause an even bigger problem, and usually in those cases, it takes two people to actually initiate the silent treatment anyway, so it's not just me not talking to you or you not talking to me, it's us ignoring each other.

[fred87nc]

Im using the silent treatment right now with my girlfriend to teach her a lesson so I agree. Just being brief with her, shes been picking up way too many fights with me over silly stuff and Im out of town right now and she still picking up fights over text. So I just started being harsh on her and giving her the silent treatment, few hours later she starts to send me cute love texts. Winner!

[melissa]

I voted yes because the 2 words manipulation and punishment are thrown around way to easily. Yes there are people who do these things for their own selfish reasons but there are other meanings behind these words, as in making someone a better person for that persons better.

[Ess]

I think for some people, silent treatment is just a bad habit that may have started in childhood and the person giving it knows no other way to express their annoyance, anger, hurt or whatever.  I know this sounds somewhat contradictive but I'll say it anyway - they probably don't realise how hurtful or manipulative it can be but it gets them what they want from their partner and so they keep doing it and do not concern themselves with the long term negative effects of repetitive silent treatment on their partner or the relationship.

[Lynnmay]

In my situation I feel it's used to manipulate.  Not sure if this is common with those who choose to give the ST, but for my spouse he does this over anything that he doesn't get his way on.  If I disagree with him in any way he goes into a screaming rage and then the ST for weeks.  And this happens on a weekly basis since he always has reasons to be mad at me.  It could be anything, watching a tv show that he feels in inappropriate, liking a post on FB, making dinner for the children when he is upset, not going to bed when he goes to bed, anytime I spend with a girlfriend, asking him questions, trying to discuss issues.  I'm afraid to do anything around here.  And this ST is towards the children too.  He doesn't talk to any of us.  For weeks!!! I used to try to approach him but then he would reject me over and over.  Try to kiss him and he turns his head, try to hug him and he won't hug back.  If we are in public he will sit there and stare at a wall with a pout, angry look on so that everyone knows he is mad/hurt???  We have children from previous marriages and he ignores all of them.  Even his own.  Goes so far as to tell his children that if they talk to me (when he's giving me the ST) they are being disloyal to him.  Uuggghhhh, I am so stressed out!

[seand75]

This is an interesting question, but i think the first question that needs to be asked is what is the definition of silent treatment are we using here. Cooling off and walking away for a short time I do not consider ST. I think when the person well after the argument or disagreement or just not getting their way ignores you and makes you feel like you are not even in the room than it is a form or punishment and manipulation and it also says that they are scared to talk/rectify the issue at hand maybe because they do not have an answer. There is also the ones that really dont care and they have removed them selves from the relationship and they just do not give a rats ass about you. I know that when i use it, which is not often, I am aiming at not dealing with the person for fear of going right back to the fight and saying the wrong thing...

Abraham Lincoln said
"Silence is never misquoted"

But I will add that
"Silence is often misinterpreted"